Sheridan’s Blog

In between googling for the recipe for brandy snaps (which I couldn’t remember the name of, which of course makes it much harder to google for) and watching consecutive episodes of Ugly Betty, I thought I’d wander in here and see what was happening.
Evidently not much.
The other week I did something I’ve always wanted to do. I did a triathlon. A very small one. The smallest there is. But let me tell you – even though it equated to only about half an hour of exercise, it was a half an hour of frantic, gut-wrenching, puffing, heart-pumping activity. Where else do you work at that level for that amount of time? You don’t.
The thing that appeals to me about this kind of activity is the variety. I bore quickly and easily. I’d rather sit for half an hour and eat corn chips on the couch than run for half an hour. But if you ask me to do a few things, all of which are relatively short, I can handle that. I might eve wish to excel at it.
Triathlon seems to also appeal to my competitive nature. I was a bit of a fatty as a kid, and this kind of activity gives me a chance to compete at a level I feel comfortable at. Who can put their runners on the quickest? Who can identify their bicycle amongst 3000 others? Who looks hottest running out of the ocean? I can do all of these things, and do them well. I think you’ll find that I am mega-quick at getting my shoes on. I can also take clothes off quickly, which helps in triathlons too. It’s like someone invented the sport for me. It really is almost a women’s sport on account of all the clothes/shoes changing that goes on. I wouldn’t be surprised if they put up one of those tents (like at the races) where you can go and fix your make-up, etc, as a transition. As the sport evolves, who knows…
So off I go in this mini event (which features young children, old people and more rotund people) thinking I will just blend into the crowd. Upon arriving at the water’s edge, I am filled with two feelings: dread and terror. I have swum lap upon lap upon lap in the pool and have even done a little in the bay. In fact, in Thailand I would happily jump off the edge of a boat from which land was not visible. On my own. However, there are no waves in Thailand and the water is beautiful and clear and doesn’t taste like the sewer. It is not the same experience here. The horn goes and we move off into the water. I am running. I’m still running. I keep on running and I am getting pretty close to the turning buoy and I’m still running. Eventually the sand under my feet goes away and I try swimming. This is pretty much the point at which I stop trying to swim and start trying to stay afloat and not get kicked in the head. I continue this way until the sand comes back and then I start running. I am at the back of the field. I reckon I would have drowned the people (person) behind me just so I wasn’t last out of the water. But I didn’t have time so I just got out and tried to run, which is hard when you can’t feel your legs. But people are cheering and it’d be poor form to let them down so off I go. Miraculously, I find my bike immediately, put my helmet on and then try to put my shoes on. This is hard. And I remember being amused by this as I have put shoes on most days of my life and it should be simpler. I think I nearly laughed at my lack of balance and general coordination. It was like my arms and legs were from separate bodies that spoke different languages and/or had never met. But I got my shoes on and took my bike off towards the exit. There were people going everywhere. I am fairly tall and imposing and people generally move out of my way in the street (and I push the ones that don’t), and the story was no different in this sporting situation. I avoided the bike-mounting tricks I had practiced. There were a lot of people at the mount line and from experience I understand that this is where you are most likely to see some incredible falls and general carnage. So I just got on the regular way.
Realising that the swim leg cost me a lot of time, it was my ambition to hunt down the rest of my group. Not being able to identify them made that difficult, so I just set a goal to overtake everyone in front of me. And I did, except for one person who clearly possessed superhuman powers. Consequently, I made up loads of places during the ride. It was nice to ride on a big wide road with no traffic and not have to stop at lights, etc. I really enjoyed it. But then I had to get off (again in the traditional manner) and get ready to run.
Putting the bike back was simple. I was riding in my runners (it’s only 8km – why would you not?) so I ditched the bike and helmet and put my hat on and ran off again. This transition cost the ‘pros’ a lot of time and I again made up places, just for being such a novice. Running is supposed to be sheer murder after the ride. I didn’t find it so. But I had done a lot of riding and then running straight after so my body seemed ok with it. I was, however, trashed.
I came in 27th (of a field of around 77) and am pretty happy with that. It seems clear that I need to be able to swim better. I have been working on that in the ocean and pool in anticipation for the next race.
Anyway – it was heaps of fun and the opportunities to wear brightly-coloured lycra and one-piece body suits are so abundant that it seems silly not to go on. I am looking for variations to the triathlon theme, and have so far grouped up the housework in an attempt to make it more fun (and quicker).

Is it wrong to go to the gym on the non-training day/s? Or, just how wrong is it to go to the gym on a non-training day? I’m supposed to be ‘resting’, but ‘resting’ is not as cool as everyone seems to make it out to be. I’m so bored of resting – what do people think I do all day at work? It’s hardly stressful.
So I have time to be in here… writing things.

The other day one of my home-grown tomato plants appeared to have a small tomato growing on it. It’s still there and I’m taking extra special care (ie – watering the plant) to make sure I can eat this tomato. Hopefully more will grow. I’m pretty impressed with myself. The other plants have not gone quite so well. They are dead. I blame that spell of very hot weather we had. It was too hot to go outside and water them. I would have perished.

I went back into the ocean last night on the way home from work. It seemed like a nice enough day until I got to the beach, when it turned dark and stormy-looking. And windy. I had a look around and there was no-one in the water (apart from a cargo ship a good few miles out). I stood there and assessed the situation. Who drives all the way to the beach only to stand there looking at the water? I certainly don’t. I go there, stand and look at the water for 10 minutes, get changed, go in up to my hips and then get out 3 minutes later. I wasn’t impressed with my lame effort so I decided to go for a small jog. In the meantime, some other person of unparalleled bravery had gone in for a swim so I decided to swim near them (I hear swimming on your own in the ocean is a no-no). So it wasn’t a complete waste of time.

So now I sit here, looking out the window (the same window through which a masturbating man could be seen on Sunday morning), wondering if I’ll get through that block of Cadbury’s Top Deck tonight or if it will be tomorrow night. And – masturbating man – if you happen to be reading this – go away – next time there may be legal consequences. Maybe I’ll go do some stretching…

Ok, fastest post ever since I’m meant to be doing something else (no – I am not at work). Here’s a synopsis:

#1. Had my hair cut off. And dyed back to it’s ‘natural’ colour, or something similar to that. See #3.
#2. Entered mini triathlon. Supposed to be fun. Turning into a nightmare. See #4.
#3. Doing lots of swimming and exercise (due to #2). Blonde hair going green in the pool and generally being a nuisance (and attracting a lot of unwanted attention elsewhere). Long hair getting in the way of looking sporty.
#4. Limbs practically falling off and muscles snapping like old rubber bands from rigorous training. Plus, personal trainer ‘conveniently’ did his Achilles and has been unavailable for guidance. Physiotherapist relaying what can only be described as triathlon horror stories whilst looking generally evil. Trying to find appropriate AND cool-looking tri gear to wear is impossible. Who designs this stuff?
#5. Have nasty rash from moisturising product and cannot stop scratching.
#6. One tomato plant has actually produced a tomato. Most other plants have not gone so well.
#7. Should go and have a shower now. Work Christmas party tonight. Have great dress with which to complement ulcerated legs. It’s going to be a great night.